Of being a father… and friend…

2 Months into the new year and I realised I’ve not written a single thing this year ! Boy have I been busy. There’s a little one on the way and the wifey has been jumping up and down (not literally), panicking and all about how unprepared we are… me, I just plan to go with the flow 🙂  (I’m sure she’ll smack my head if she reads this)

As mentioned earlier, last year was a major change in my life. And this year will be even more so with the arrival of the little one. So many questions swirling around my head… chief amongst them run along the lines of “how do I want my child raised ?”

I remember disagreeing aplenty as a child with the decisions my parents made. I never thought of them as the best or the most perfect parents. Even though they always provided me with the best they can afford… they expect the best I can offer in return. Like all Asian parents, excellence is expected (think Tiger Mom, but not to such extremes).

Thinking back I do see the merit of their parenting techniques. Even though I never agreed with everything they did, I became the sort of person who is motivated and decisive in every sense. If I was going to disobey them, I made sure it was worth it. I formulated a plan to minimise the negative ramifications of my actions. And I sure as hell learned how to put up a good fight. I learned that nothing you really want comes easy, and if you really want it, you must and will work for it. I guess in a way my parents taught me one of life’s most important lessons from day 1.

So as I ponder the questions of my impending parenthood… I find myself swaying more and more to the ideals of my parents… even though I resented them back then. The only problem I have with it is… well… they will always be my parents ! Till this day, they are my parents. I have never viewed my father, or mother, as my friend or confidante. I keep my thoughts to myself. I don’t tell my parents my fears or mistakes. Today they have but a superficial understanding of my life. How we got here is a long story. But the bottom line is, they are not my friends. We are not estranged. Though I only see them a few times a year. In short, we live our lives separately. I wonder if it’s a bad or good thing… After all, that’s how a boy becomes his own man no ?

Closing statements for the year

Well, another year has come and gone. Many things have happened this year… they include :

1. A big promotion. I’m officially done with post-grad training !

2. A new little one on the way 🙂

3. I got a car (Woohoooo !!!) in anticipation of the little one. The sky high Singapore COE prices made it a little painful though.

4. Many injuries from training at Evolve. This includes my rotator cuff, dislocated my little finger (it’s more important than we give it credit for) and my tennis elbow seems to be acting up. I trained much less this year than I would have liked, and I only can afford to train BJJ now. Promotion has been painfully slow.

5. Investments overseas starting to bear juicier fruits following the improvements in the European and North American economy.

 

As I grow another year older and wiser, I’ve also learnt a few things about life and the people around me…

1. 99% of people in admin are idiots. They have NO SKILLS to speak of. Much of their time is spent meeting “targets” that only look good on paper but actually do not constitute any meaningful or productive work.

2. People who get promoted the fastest are very self serving and good at palming off work to others while taking the credit for it.

3. There’s no point working very hard and missing out on family time for that “big house” in the future. In the future, your kids are grown up, moved out, and have a life of their own.

 

Well, that’s it… I’ve ranted for awhile now and have run out of things to say. I tend to keep my blog updates sparse… but hopefully meaningful 🙂

Yes I’m still alive

Wow ! it’s been months since I updated this blog. So much has happened since. I’ve passed my finals and got my big promotion… which is quite a big jump in my pay.

Needless to say with this new promotion, I’m suddenly finding myself busier than usual. Much more is expected of me… much more shit to clean up (but I’m not complaining). For the first time, I’m breathing the air of freedom… the possibilities of where I want to take my career to from now on are endless.

To top it all off, the wifey and I have been trying for awhile. Barely a year and she keeps asking me if there’s something wrong, why is it not happening yet… blah blah blah… Well it’s finally happened ! It’s only the first trimester, so things can go wrong, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed 🙂

Being Asian, people around me would surely be thinking that I’m hoping it’s a boy. But to be honest, the wifey and I are kinda hoping for a girl. Knowing the brat that I was as a child… I’m sure I can’t handle… mini-me hahahaha. A girl will hopefully have sufficient estrogen to keep my bratty genes in check 🙂

So till the next update…

P/S : Still doing my BJJ… climbing the ranks really slowly due to injury as well as work commitments. Keep telling myself it’s a marathon… not a sprint…

P!nk is in my head

Don’t you have times when a song just keeps playing on repeat in your head ?

Well, it’s happening to me today…

So here I am, sharing the voice in my head with the world 🙂

The year that was 2012

2012 has come and gone in the blink of an eye. This is my first full year in a more senior position in my career. Many lessons were learnt. New friends… new enemies… victories… and losses.

Faced the prospect of a potential litigation for the first time. It was filled with all kinds of emotions… mainly of the negative kind… “that ungrateful bastard” “shouldn’t he be happy to be alive ?” “WTF ? How dare you fish for money from me ?”. At the end of the day, the words of Steve Jobs carried so much meaning; “The person who clears your trash in your office… he gets to have an excuse… but as the boss… you’re always responsible weather you like it or not”.

Made many new friends… strengthened the bond of friendship with most, discarded quite a few into the “frenemies” pile. There are those who are no longer in your life… but will just fit comfortably into a conversation with you when you meet… I realize that it’s because both parties wish to be friends. There are those that feel like total strangers… I guess those are the ones that don’t really care for your friendship.

I realise that not everyone marries for love… in fact many don’t. They marry for convenience… and somehow… it works out. Is it just an Asian thing ? Is that the reason for the extramarital affairs that are slowly popping up among my circle of friends ? Will I be able to resist the forbidden fruit when the time comes ?

I’ve always known that money is an important aspect of securing happiness. But this year, I discovered so many new sources of joy in my life. Managed to find excitement and enjoyment with my work… which I’ve been dreading for so many years. Discovered many things about myself that are different from my younger self :

1. I am not averse to a managerial or leadership role anymore. The days of hiding in the background are probably behind me.

2. I have taken my current career path as far as I want to. It’s time to widen my horizons. It is a common trait of many successful and dynamic people in this world.

3. A child will probably bring a lot of joy to my life. Preferably a daughter.

Despite all that, there is still something, someone, that remains elusive in my life. I do not know why. In fact I don’t even know why I care. It is obviously not meant to be, though somehow, I feel that our journey in life together has yet to play out completely. Maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part… Well… patience… and let’s see what the rest of my life holds… 🙂

Happy 2013 !!

Somebody that I used to know…

Today is one of those days… where you think of someone you used to know… and wonder if they are thinking of you too…

Lady GaGa Born This Way Concert (Singapore 2012)

So I attended Lady GaGa’s Singapore concert on the 29th of May. There was only one word to describe it… Awasome ! Needless to say, I’m a biased fan… but if you somehow land your hands on those tickets… GO !!!

The atmosphere in the stadium was electric… and it was packed… check it out…

I brought in my own alcohol… Cause the money sucking organisers expect you to shell out big time just for a tiny cup of beer at the venue. And how many cups of beer can you hold at a time anyway ? Nobody wants to keep running out of the hall just to get enough alcohol into their bloodstream ! What’s a Lady GaGa concert if you’re not sufficiently high to feel the beat of the music 😛

From where I was sitting, she was barely an inch tall… but this is Lady GaGa… and she really has a way to connect with the audience… no matter how far away you are !

Okay, one last photo for those of you who couldn’t make it… This one’s when she was singing a slow rendition of Hair on a Motorbike-keyboard-hybrid…

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday.

On this day you’re 32.

You have not earned millions.

You have not changed the world.

Hopefully though, you have found happiness.

And hopefully, those who matter remember your day.

Happy Birthday.

Will I die with unfinished business ?

Today is one of those days where I keep reminiscing the past. I’m sure everyone has those days every now and then. As I reflect on past events, I realize that most of the things I regret are those that occured during childhood and adolescence. Hopefully it’s a sign of wisdom gained as I transitioned to adulthood. These memories have always come sporadically and in a haphazard manner. I’ve never really sat down to see if I can right any of my past regrets before my time in this world comes to an end. Maybe it’s time I did something about it…

I once did very badly in an important examination. Back then I was transitioning to adolescence. So many things seemed more interesting that my studies. I was distracted by girls, sports… and my first taste of freedom. All of them resulted in adverse outcomes that haunt me until today. Well not so much the examination I guess. Even though I did badly (not getting straight A’s is bad), the results hardly matter in life, and it served as an important wake up call. Academically, I did pretty well after that.

I dedicated much of my time to sports that year. I’ve never had the opportunity to compete for my school before, and that year presented the most viable opportunity. However, at the last minute, I was betrayed by both friend and coach ! Although that has caused a permanent scar, it has taught me a few important lessons. First, that asshole is not my friend (a lesson that proved useful for the rest of my life as he has gone on to fuck others up but not me). Second, I lost because of a lack of confidence and self believe. I buckled under pressure. Something that I’ve constantly worked on over the last 2 decades of my life. While I’m not perfect, I believe that I have learned the art of keeping a level head in tight situations. I guess that problem has been rectified then 🙂

I did have a girlfriend. I was young, yes. It was childish but fun 😛 It did cause me to make several silly decisions, nothing that permanently ruined my life thankfully. In fact, some positive decisions came out of it ! Sadly, it did not end that well. I was young, immature, cowardly. I didn’t handle our interaction very well. Upon further reflection, I’m pretty sure the attraction I had was purely physical. We hardly spoke or spent any time together. I think we hardly knew each other. There were probably many things that transpired behind my back. You know girls, they talk to everyone… every close friend they have is an emotional adviser. I do remember receiving a phone call from on old friend shortly after it ended (was he truly friend ? I’ll never know), needless to say that conversation did not end well too. Over the years she and I have resolved our differences. She and I are… friends… we never speak of the past anymore. We keep our distance… but I guess we are now both old enough to know what it was, and look back on what we had with fondness.

Although it might seem like there was nothing to regret from that… well there was… because there was another. One that I did not treat that well… or rather was too self absorbed to realize what was happening. The words she uttered to me on that last day of school haunt me to this day. Many years later I had a chance to right things. Though I was much older, I found myself making the same mistakes I made when I was young. Pride. It’s both my strength and my curse… Needless to say things did not end well. Due to the circumstance I’m currently in, there seems to be no way to make things right for the foreseeable future. We could have been friends… we could have been very good friends…

Roxette concert, Singapore

I wrote a little while back how my most favorite group of all time, Roxette, was going to perform in Singapore on the 6th of March 2012. Well, it has come and passed. So this post is just a short comment on the concert. Just something for me to look back on many years from now to remember this event.

To be honest, this is the first concert I’ve ever attended… in my life ! So I was very excited. I even made the decision to attend the concert alone as my wifey was not that interested, and I didn’t want a killjoy sitting next to me while I enjoyed myself. Surprisingly, the wifey didn’t have any protests 😛

So I arrived on-time… which means I was early by industry standard I guess. This gave me the opportunity to scout out the place, since I’ll be here again in a couple of months time for the Lady GaGa concert (see previous post). I was happy to discover that I’m a mere 20m from the stage. Looking around, I also noticed that most attendees were either my age group… or older… yay !! It’s good to be around like minded people… who will behave appropriately… let’s face it… we’re old… we’re here to enjoy the music… not scream… and we need to sit down for most of the concert.

The concert on the whole was an enjoyable experience. They played all the classics, with a few new songs from their latest album ‘charm school’ interspersed here and there. The band definitely looks aged. Marie’s voice was not as powerful as before. She has altered the key of some of her songs to suit her reduced stamina. Her backup vocalist helped pick up some of the slack as well. No matter though, it was still pleasant to hear her beautiful voice. It felt honest… no lip-syncing here !

The last time the band played in Singapore was in 1995, a good 17 years ago ! Hope I won’t have to wait that long before they make another stopover in Singapore. May the music of Roxette live forever ! 🙂